Mad Men Recap (S06 E07): The Big Merger

So I put off writing this for a week because I’m a lazy sod. Its cold in Melbourne and when you ask me “do you prefer sleep or do you prefer tapping away on a cold keyboard?” – I CHOOSE WARM COSY SLEEP. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have an abundant things to say about episode 7 of penultimate season, ‘Man with a Plan’.

Finally! The big ole merger! Where we get to see everyone be awkward and swing their dicks around to make damn sure they get to stay. It seems a bit silly that they move into SCDP offices because CGC offices always looked a bit bigger. Honestly, SCDP offices look like those thin-walled cubicle doo-dads that make you want to kill yourself after just a few months. Oh, wait, is that tasteless to say since Lane killed himself in those offices? Or does that make my statement accurate? Regardless, its depressing. And cramped. So basically, a suicide machine.

El Douchebag – In this week’s episode of Mad Men, Don drinks a lot and acts like a sexually-aggressive d-bag! What a shocking twist! First off, he’s clearly threatened by Ted. Its not overt, but its evident. That’s something I will discuss at length when I give Teddy Chaough his very own honorary section! Secondly, there’s that whole hotel dalliance with Sylvia. So… I think they were trying to be sexy, but it all came off feeling rather desperate and contrived. For the first few seasons, they fooled us into thinking that Don was a smoky sex god. And then, he fingered Bobbie Barrett into submission at a fancy restaurant – thats when the alarm bells went off that this guy is a mega douchetool. This season, he’s that sad old married guy with the hot young wife who plagued with chronic dissatisfaction and fears of impotence. If I were Sylvia and he took my book away, I would’ve flipped, flipped him off, then f*cked off home. Good job, Sylvia, for ditching his sad lonely butt. That look of pure unadulterated panic on Don’s face when she broke it off was like ambrosia for my soul.

- 30 pts (for hazing Teddy Chaough, who, turns out, aint so bad) – 40 pts (for being gross at the hotel)  = – 70 pts 

Like I said, pure ambrosia.

Like I said, pure ambrosia.

Ted Chaough – Every time I type ‘Chaough’, I have to give it a few tries before I get it right. ‘Chaogh’? ‘Cheough?’ ‘Chaiugh’? NOPE – ‘Chaough!’ And then I google him for extra measure, just to make extra sure that the vowel sequence is correct. Gosh, its like writers wanted all other writers to hate him. But alas, Teddy Choagh – URGH, I mean Chaough – has won me over! He’s everything you would hope your colleague and boss could be. Fair, polite, generous, talented, with an excellent work ethic, and on top of that, he’s a pilot. Forget drinking like a fish, Ted. You’re a badass and Don knows it. Let him go soak his face in whisky like some redneck at farm fair drinking competition while you go flying your own personal jet.

20 pts (for being gallant, and giving up his seat to Moira at the conference table – that melted my heart right there) + 20 pts (for running that meeting without Don like a proper boss) + 5 pts (adorable drunkface Ted) + 50 pts (aviators) = 95 pts

Miss Peggy – Miss Peggy Olson, Coffee Chief. It might be the 60s, but Miss Peggy is doing really well for herself even by today’s standards. Especially by today’s standards. Copy Chief, female, under 30? I’m totes jealous! She doesn’t get much this episode, but she does have a brief shining moment as that awesome chick who tells it to you straight.

30 pts (for calling Don out as the alcoholic child that he is)

Joan – Is there anything funnier than watching some hoity-toity secretary trying to go toe to toe with the Grand Dame of the Office? Yeah, Moira – go take a seat, doll. Auntie Joanie will come burp you later. However, she does manage to peek beneath the smarm of resident mystery character, Bob Benson (SERIOUSLY, who is this guy?!). I have to say, I was thoroughly charmed by how he sweet-talked his way into seeing a doctor. He gots some real steeze! So, really, who is this guy? At first, I just thought he was a manifestation of the types of sleazeballs you have on Madison Avenue. Now, I’m not so sure. Did he really help Joan out because he wanted to keep his job? Or is he really a sweetheart in the body of a slimeball? Either way, he kept his job. Anyway, James Wolk (the actor who play Bob Benson) seems to be a big deal. My friend who watched Political Animals and Happy Endings freaking ADORES him. Buzzfeed loves him too. Hmm… is he the new breed on Madison Avenue? The desperate-to-please, subtly charming, and blindly ambitious yuppie of the new generation?

20 pts (default Joanie awesomeness) 

Uh, also 10 pts to Bob Benson, for persuading me write a whole bit about him in Joan’s section.

Silver Fox – HAHAHAHAH he gets a special mention purely for firing Burt Peterson again. Oh Roger, you cad, you rascal! Yet, I adore you.

20 pts!

Sideburns Campbell – Blah, blah, something about his crazy mom. Its been a week. I really don’t care. He’s still a jerk that we love to hate / hate to love. When will he get around to being the good guy he thinks he is / he wants to be? Sideburns, you will always be the most well-drawn character on Mad Men. Congrats.

20 pts (for Vincent Kartheiser, the only actor who throws himself into being despicable as aggressively and as enthusiastically as that Joffrey kid from Game of Thrones)

God, I miss Lane.

BONUS – Here is tribute to the mysterious Bob Benson, beverage enthusiast:

 

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