This week in “To Have and To Hold”, is another series of smack downs. This time, its professional.
First off, there’s MISS PEGGY vs. EL DOUCHEBAG:
At work, SCDP is slutting around behind Heinz Vinegar, Beans, and Sauces’ back with sexy cousin, Heinz Ketchup. Little do they know that Chaough and Olson are waiting in the wings. Everyone loses when Heinz Ketchup, the saucy minx that she is, takes up with J. Walter Thompson and SCDP is dumped by Heinz Vinegar, Beans, and Sauces. Sorry, guys. (For the record, I preferred SCDP’s pitch over Chaough’s):
Then, there’s JOAN VS. HARRY CRANE:
Okay, Our Lady of Grace, Joan Harris, can do nothing wrong in my eyes. Almost. But was I the only one that thought she was being a little harsh with Scarlet? And was I the only one that thought “You go, Harry!” when he stuck up for his secretary, whom he had no sexual relationship with? WHAT IS THIS?! AM I SIDING HARRY CRANE? Madness.
El Douchebag Draper – So Megan gets an important arc at work – a love scene! Having had a shitty day himself, he decides to dump his douchebaggery on Megan. I was almost deceived into thinking he might actually be a good husband when she first brings it all up. The trademark Draper nonchalance comes swinging in for the save when Megan’s colleagues, a soap star and her husband writer, propositions them to come home with them to “get better acquainted”. When discussing it in the taxi home, Don is kinda cute: “What? They like you, they like me, they’d like us to be friends.” Too bad the Draper charm is snuffed out as soon as it emerges. El Douchebag has a brief shining moment at work with his tantalizing Ketchup ad for Heinz too. I actually preferred his ad to Peggy’s. Its more subtle, and like he says, taps into that precious space where the imagination runs wild.
10 pts (for a good ad) + 10 pts (for the flickering embers of Draper charm) – 40 (for being a douche-tool to Megan about her successes) = -20 pts (hey, that’s better than the minus infinity he usually gets)
Kenny Cosgrove – Kenny Cosgrove has his fingers in everything this week. At least losing his mistress, Heinz Beans, was tempered by the happiness of his steadfast companion, Dow Chemical. Also, he gets points for throwing shit in El Douchebag’s face – “there’s nothing better than being known for your loyalty”.
10 pts (for sticking it to Don)
Miss Olson – All I can say is that I thoroughly enjoyed Peggy’s beatific smile when Stan flipped her off:
10 pts (for having the balls to cheat on her work husband)
Joan – Our Lady of Grace, Mrs Joan Harris, has a much anticipated storyline this week. We explore her frustrations at the workplace – no matter how high she rises, no matter how important she becomes, she is still treated like a secretary. But as her cosmetics-lady friend says, it doesn’t matter how she feels – she’s a partner at a Madison Avenue advertising firm, and no one can take that away from her. No need to lash out and degrade yourself in your private life, Joanie.
10 pts (for seeing through Scarlet’s pathetic ruse) – 5 pts (for Joan’s epic bitch mode) – 5 pts (for sucking face with that teenager) + 20 pts (for being Joan, and thus, graceful) = 20 pts
Harry Crane – We forget about Harry because he’s just the pissy little coward that they brought along because they needed Media. This week, we get to see Harry Crane swing around his growing ego. Harry is a crass neanderthal, lets just get that straight. But it was pretty satisfying watching him grow some cojones and stake his claim in the SCDP minefield. Let’s all just take a moment to relive how pathetic Harry once was:
20 pts (for a great swinging pair of balls)
WINNER: Tie – JOAN HARRIS vs. HARRY CRANE
Dawn, The Black Secretary – We get a flimpse into the other side of the tracks. I never realised that SCDP was the shark-infested lagoon Dawn pictures it to be. You’re right, darlin’ – you’ll never find a hubby there.
Stan – is the MAN. Luscious beard + fringed jacket + grass at work = automatic WIN!
Bob Benson – When will someone slap him?
Bonus Joanie looking gorgeous on Craig Ferguson (‘on’ his TV show, not ‘on’ him):