Monthly Archives: May 2013

Mad Men Recap (S06 E08): Kenny tapdances

Tap for us, Kenny.

This week’s episode is really surreal. “The Crash” sees our Mad cast colliding headfirst into illicit pharmaceuticals and poorly made decisions.

It starts off with Ken Cosgrove in the middle of a Yuppie PSA against drunk driving. When we get back to the headquarters of SCDPCGC, we see everyone on the verge of passing out from the strain of dealing with Chevy. Aside from Kenny performing like a sideshow monkey for the Chevy douches, we’ve got Cutler shooting everyone up on ‘vitamin stimulants’ and Stan slutting it up with dead-Gleeson’s daughter.

Don said it best – “Every time we get a car, this place turns into a whorehouse.” (And yes, I get it – the flashbacks to his adolescence at the pleasure house parallels this week’s environment at SCDPCGC)

El Douchebag – The one thing I really can’t stand is his flippant attitude towards his work. His colleagues tolerate his slothfulness and lack of commitment because of occasional strokes of brilliance. What utter bullshit. This is a man who is happy to reap the rewards handed to him off the compromises of others. However, the minute he is asked to dance to tune other than his own, he breaks team. I know his lone wolf shtick is what gets all your panties damp, but El Douchebag has never taken one for the team. This is definitely not a man I can get behind. (Just FYI, I was that person in group projects that ran the assignment with an iron fist – its all about perspective).

– 20 pts (for typing up some crap for Sylvia when everyone else was stressing about Chevy) – 40 pts (for being an absentee father) – 10 pts (for his puffy red drugface) – 20 pts (for bailing on Ted Chaough because Chevy wasn’t all it cracked up to be) = – 90 pts

Wahh! Stop hating on me!

Miss Peggy – OOooOOOooOoOohhhHHhhhhh! Miss Peggy and Stan gettin’ it on! Okay, they didn’t really get anything on. We’ve all felt the sparks since that episode where they’re both buck-nekkid in a hotel room working on some account. I feel the chemistry, although I applaud Miss Peggy for guiding their relationship back into the comfortable sibling territory that defines their rapport. Miss Peggy isn’t after Stan. She’s not even after Chaough. She’s just after something more than Abe. The sooner she admits that, the better.

20 pts (for having a great ass)

Stan – Oh Stan. You’re my favourite deadbeat beatnik.

10 pts (for playing William Tell and getting stabbed by a pencil) + 10 pts (for your rakish jock charm despite the grossness of sleeping with hippie Wendy Gleason) = 20 pts

Ted Chaough – It’s really touching to see how genuine he was in his comments about his deceased partner, Frank Gleason. I remember early in the fifth season (or was it the fourth?), they made him seem like the wannabe Don. He tried a little too hard to be considered suave. I believe that Ted Chaough is just as good as Don work-wise, and infinitely better than Don as a human being. If Don is your star striker who delivers big during important games, Ted Chaough is your reliable midfielder who consistently gets the job done well. Except the sheen of Don’s genius is a little duller in the bright of day as he proves to be nothing more than a shallow promise of occasional brilliance. Don is Fernando Torres to Chaough’s Steven Gerrard. (Yes, I support Liverpool FC.)

10 pts (condolence points, for Frank Gleason) + 20 pts (for giving me hope that not all Madison Avenue types are jerkwads) = 30 pts

Silver Fox – Two silver foxes matching their wits at checkers! Adorable. Is CGC just SCDP but less cool? Because, I swear, Jim Cutler is just the oily version of our loveable cad, Roger Sterling. They even have matching glasses! (But lets all agree that Roger is indisputably more debonair.)

10 pts (nice waistcoat) + 10 pts (nice spectacles) = 20 pts

Bonus 5 pts to Jim Cutler for sprinting up those stairs / racing Stan across the office. 

Pretty spry, for a white guy.

Skinny Bitch Betty – SHE’S BACK!! Oh how I’ve missed you, Skinny Bitch!! My days have been dark and sombre without your vapid Betty-isms! So the kids were “held hostage by an elderly negro woman who robbed [Don and Megan] blind”.  Of course, Betty’s natural reflex is to proclaim, “DO YOU KNOW THAT HENRY IS RUNNING FOR OFFICE?!”

I'm back, bitches.

I’m back, bitches.

10 pts (for her irreplaceable Betty-isms) + 30 pts (for marrying a stud of a husband) = 40 pts

Ken Cosgrove – He is a man who embodies the term ‘taking one for the team’.

50 pts (for the ‘It’s my job’ speech) + 10 pts (pity points, for your injuries) = 60 pts

WINNER: KEN COSGROVE

BONUS – Did you know Mad Men meangirl-ing is a thing? I didn’t?! I was delighted to discover this so I’ve compiled a compendium of my favourite Mad Men at their meangirly best. FYI – I can recite Mean Girls from start to finish. I am unashamed. (It’s Tina Fey-approved, after all.)

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Eurovision 2013: Satan’s answer to Susan Boyle

I stole that title from an excellent comment on YouTube. I can’t formulate anything else that encapsulates the essence of this song quite like those five words.

All I can say is that I really wish I was European. I would vote the shit out of this.

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Game of Thrones Recap (S03 E08): Of penises and political partnerships

Is it just me, or does the grossest things happen when Stannis is around?

This week, its Melisandre and her bowl of leeches – one of which, she sticks on Gendry’s wang. I’m not a guy, but dude, I sympathise. Chris on Skins has done some nasty stuff, but I think this definitely takes the cake.

Definitely not as bad as as penis leeches.

On this week’s episode of GoT, ‘Second Sons’, we are treated to rampant political manoeuvrings on both sides of the Narrow Sea. This episode is dominated by the devilish machinations of our delightfully amoral cast of characters. We get a depressing wedding, some penis-leech sorcery, a bit of White Walker action, and a very naked Dany.

THE BREAKDOWN

Annoying Arya & The Hound

So she tries to kill him with a rock. Like an idiot. Of course, The Hound is awake – you can’t be a fearsome warrior if you sleep through breakfast and various assassination plots. He tells her, “I’ll give you one try, girl. Kill me, and you’re free. But, if I live, I’ll break both your hands.” That’s basically his way of patting her on the head and saying, “Aww little Arry, go on. Give it a go.” She needs to have way more adults being condescending to her. Stop talking tough if you’re four foot nothing with Justin Bieber’s musculature.

The NOOORTH

Oh boo! No Jon and Ygritte, raunching it up underneath the furs. We just get the grubby couple with the fat baby (I mean the actual baby, even though Sam fits the description as well).  Alas, another White Walker! Look at Sam, wielding the sword, frontin’ like he’s Aragorn or sumthin’. Looks like impressing a girl is really the number one male motivator for doing brave / stupid things. Luckily, he had that obsidian spearhead! Oh wait, what? He dropped it and DIDNT pick it up before he ran off?! Despite the fact that the White Walker freaking SHATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES and they weren’t in any immediate danger?! Sure, lets just NOT pick up the one thing that can kill these supernatural sons’a’bitches. Nice move, Sam.

Dragonstone

Ugh she really is The Red Skank. Why the mind games?! Just kill him, if you mean to kill him! I can’t stand it! Last week we had Theon getting slutted with before his (possible) gelding. Now we get Gendry bumping uglies with Melisandre before she puts LEECHES ON HIS WANG. Freaking LEECHES. Why is everything in Dragonstone so gross? If this were a cheesy horror flick, Stannis would be that creepy guy who lives in the middle of nowhere in a rundown manor filled with perverse horrors, like pickled babies, scale-face children, wax corpses, and penises with leeches on it. In that film, Red Skank would be his a demonic succubus that he calls forth from a leather-bound grimoire to rape unsuspecting boys and take care of his nursery of shadow babies. On a sidenote, Gendry is AB-TASTIC. Go, Chris!

Just some light bondage and leech-play

King’s Landing

Finally, a royal wedding. Its not quite as glamourous as I’m sure the Joffrey-Margaery one will be. Nevertheless, we get some serious dress porn. How DIVINE was the fabric of Sansa Stark’s wedding dress?! I wish they’d done something different with her hair though – it looked like they looped a baguette over her head. And phwoar, Tyrion does look handsome, indeed! That scar becomes him.

First off, JOFFREY IS A DICK. Taking that step-stool away to embarrass Tyrion? Petty adolescent dumb-jock dick move. That kid is such an evil little pimple. I just want to stab him in his sneery face. (Applause to Jack Gleeson for throwing himself shamelessly into being a nasty wee asshole – something his career may never recover from, I fear). But then, let’s all watch Tyrion deliver a heavy verbal bitchslap across the face of this despicable asshat:

For those who are unclear, the bedding ceremony is one where men seize the bride (and women seize the groom) and strip them of their clothes before they are delivered to a bed. A bit of embarrassing fun when you’re with friends and family. Sexual harassment and humiliation at the hands of demon-doucheface, Joffrey.

For extra emphasis.

The Boyfriend has this to say about this douche-canoe: “Logically, you would think that anyone would realize that the probability of people wanting to kill you for your throne would increase dramatically in direct correlation to how big of a douchebag you are.” Well, I can say this: the fun thing about Joffrey is that he offers us Internet denizens a platform for ever-more creative insults. Even Google Auto-Complete is in on it. Type in “Joffrey is a…” and we get “douche”, “monster”, “prick”, “sadist”…etc.

Okay, moving on from Joffrey’s douchebaggery. Tyrion is really the noblest, most gentle husband you could ever have.  I would happily marry Tyrion. He has always treated all his women with utmost respect and kindness. Sansa is a fool. What if you never want him in your bed? Well, then Sansa,  you’ll never get with child and you’ll be even more useless than you are now. Its a brutal world, doll. Get it together.

The Boyfriend was really panicky throughout this whole bit because he thought that evil pig Joffrey was actually going to burst in and make good on raping Sansa. Besides all the drama involving disgusting Joffrey, we get a fun little despicable Cersei moment. It really feels like she’s spiraling out of control. She should take a cue from Margaery and play it a bit closer to the chest. Cersei really has a big ego. Now that she’s not top dog, she’s lashing out stupidly on dangerous people. OMG, she totally should’ve been born a man.

No discussion of King’s Landing is ever complete without any mention of Grand Dame Olenna:

Sucks to be a Lannister. Sucks to be a Tyrell. It really sucks to be a Stark. I’d much rather go explore what’s happening on the other side of The Narrow Sea.

“I am The Khaleesi, and you will do as I say!”

Look at her schmoozing her ‘guests’ like a pro. Even First Lady Jackie Kennedy couldn’t do any better. Khaleesi knows what she wants and she’ll do whatever necessary to get it. Even graciously tolerate some potty mouth. That’s her greatest strength – having people underestimate her and playing to their pride. After all, nobody wants to lose to a little blonde girl.

Can we really picture Ser Barristan throwing down with Mero? I mean, he looks pretty haggard and old now. I don’t know – I want to believe in the legend of Barristan Selmy.

More importantly, is this how we picture Daario Naharis? In the book, he’s described as blue-haired with a trident beard. I guess this take is better. He’s meant to fearsome and graceful at the same time. I imagine blue hair / trident beard could make him seem a bit too much like an effeminate Khal Drogo at Mad Hatter’s Party. Anyway, he’s known to me as GIRLFACE, since he’s just so so pretty!

There’s that scene where Khaleesi is nude and The Second Sons pledge their loyalty to her, but I’m a prude so here’s the clip sans Khaleesi-nakedness:

BONUS – I really worry about Jack Gleeson’s future career as an actor. Everywhere he goes, he’ll just be known as “that asshole kid from Game of Thrones”. However, it seems like he might not even pursue a career in acting, opting instead to be an academic! He’s a man after my own heart. Just in case he does want to continue acting, I intend to proliferate as many of these videos of Jack Gleeson being an intelligent, articulate young man as possible in order to combat any preconceptions of him being anything at all like King Dick-tard, Joffrey Baratheon.

 

 

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Mad Men Recap (S06 E07): The Big Merger

So I put off writing this for a week because I’m a lazy sod. Its cold in Melbourne and when you ask me “do you prefer sleep or do you prefer tapping away on a cold keyboard?” – I CHOOSE WARM COSY SLEEP. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have an abundant things to say about episode 7 of penultimate season, ‘Man with a Plan’.

Finally! The big ole merger! Where we get to see everyone be awkward and swing their dicks around to make damn sure they get to stay. It seems a bit silly that they move into SCDP offices because CGC offices always looked a bit bigger. Honestly, SCDP offices look like those thin-walled cubicle doo-dads that make you want to kill yourself after just a few months. Oh, wait, is that tasteless to say since Lane killed himself in those offices? Or does that make my statement accurate? Regardless, its depressing. And cramped. So basically, a suicide machine.

El Douchebag – In this week’s episode of Mad Men, Don drinks a lot and acts like a sexually-aggressive d-bag! What a shocking twist! First off, he’s clearly threatened by Ted. Its not overt, but its evident. That’s something I will discuss at length when I give Teddy Chaough his very own honorary section! Secondly, there’s that whole hotel dalliance with Sylvia. So… I think they were trying to be sexy, but it all came off feeling rather desperate and contrived. For the first few seasons, they fooled us into thinking that Don was a smoky sex god. And then, he fingered Bobbie Barrett into submission at a fancy restaurant – thats when the alarm bells went off that this guy is a mega douchetool. This season, he’s that sad old married guy with the hot young wife who plagued with chronic dissatisfaction and fears of impotence. If I were Sylvia and he took my book away, I would’ve flipped, flipped him off, then f*cked off home. Good job, Sylvia, for ditching his sad lonely butt. That look of pure unadulterated panic on Don’s face when she broke it off was like ambrosia for my soul.

– 30 pts (for hazing Teddy Chaough, who, turns out, aint so bad) – 40 pts (for being gross at the hotel)  = – 70 pts 

Like I said, pure ambrosia.

Like I said, pure ambrosia.

Ted Chaough – Every time I type ‘Chaough’, I have to give it a few tries before I get it right. ‘Chaogh’? ‘Cheough?’ ‘Chaiugh’? NOPE – ‘Chaough!’ And then I google him for extra measure, just to make extra sure that the vowel sequence is correct. Gosh, its like writers wanted all other writers to hate him. But alas, Teddy Choagh – URGH, I mean Chaough – has won me over! He’s everything you would hope your colleague and boss could be. Fair, polite, generous, talented, with an excellent work ethic, and on top of that, he’s a pilot. Forget drinking like a fish, Ted. You’re a badass and Don knows it. Let him go soak his face in whisky like some redneck at farm fair drinking competition while you go flying your own personal jet.

20 pts (for being gallant, and giving up his seat to Moira at the conference table – that melted my heart right there) + 20 pts (for running that meeting without Don like a proper boss) + 5 pts (adorable drunkface Ted) + 50 pts (aviators) = 95 pts

Miss Peggy – Miss Peggy Olson, Coffee Chief. It might be the 60s, but Miss Peggy is doing really well for herself even by today’s standards. Especially by today’s standards. Copy Chief, female, under 30? I’m totes jealous! She doesn’t get much this episode, but she does have a brief shining moment as that awesome chick who tells it to you straight.

30 pts (for calling Don out as the alcoholic child that he is)

Joan – Is there anything funnier than watching some hoity-toity secretary trying to go toe to toe with the Grand Dame of the Office? Yeah, Moira – go take a seat, doll. Auntie Joanie will come burp you later. However, she does manage to peek beneath the smarm of resident mystery character, Bob Benson (SERIOUSLY, who is this guy?!). I have to say, I was thoroughly charmed by how he sweet-talked his way into seeing a doctor. He gots some real steeze! So, really, who is this guy? At first, I just thought he was a manifestation of the types of sleazeballs you have on Madison Avenue. Now, I’m not so sure. Did he really help Joan out because he wanted to keep his job? Or is he really a sweetheart in the body of a slimeball? Either way, he kept his job. Anyway, James Wolk (the actor who play Bob Benson) seems to be a big deal. My friend who watched Political Animals and Happy Endings freaking ADORES him. Buzzfeed loves him too. Hmm… is he the new breed on Madison Avenue? The desperate-to-please, subtly charming, and blindly ambitious yuppie of the new generation?

20 pts (default Joanie awesomeness) 

Uh, also 10 pts to Bob Benson, for persuading me write a whole bit about him in Joan’s section.

Silver Fox – HAHAHAHAH he gets a special mention purely for firing Burt Peterson again. Oh Roger, you cad, you rascal! Yet, I adore you.

20 pts!

Sideburns Campbell – Blah, blah, something about his crazy mom. Its been a week. I really don’t care. He’s still a jerk that we love to hate / hate to love. When will he get around to being the good guy he thinks he is / he wants to be? Sideburns, you will always be the most well-drawn character on Mad Men. Congrats.

20 pts (for Vincent Kartheiser, the only actor who throws himself into being despicable as aggressively and as enthusiastically as that Joffrey kid from Game of Thrones)

God, I miss Lane.

BONUS – Here is tribute to the mysterious Bob Benson, beverage enthusiast:

 

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Game of Thrones Recap (S03 E07): Bye bye, Yunkai

YESS!!! We have once again avoided The Red Wedding. Every week, I sit with baited breath, wondering if its that time yet. The time for my hatred of Talisa (aka Charlie Chaplin’s exotic granddaughter, Oona Chaplin) to grow exponentially. Alas, she has been spared another week.

This week, ‘The Bear and The Fair Maiden’, is largely a filler episode.The Westerosi wanderers are still meandering aimlessly across the countryside. The North is incredibly chatty. King’s Landing is also incredibly chatty. Khaleesi is still pretty awesome. Very little happens in terms of the plot. I guess, that’s a good thing. You just know that GoT is gearing up to kill more people.

THE BREAKDOWN

The NOOORTH

Jon and Ygritte are now over The Wall and are still having banter-y D&M’s (‘deep and meaningfuls’) about how “you are mine and I am yours”. We get it. You’re in a relationship. Ygritte needs to stop worrying – there aren’t that many lookers amongst the wildlings. You have pretty red hair and you gave him his first sex. Chill, he’s not going anywhere.

I wasn’t so hot on them in the beginning. She had this very lofty, put-on air about her. It was all “OH look how tough and awesome I am. I’m from the NOORTH.” And of course, she liked to remind him of this:

Now, they’re kinda cute. It must be refreshing for Jon meet someone who doesn’t faint at the sight of blood after growing up in the same castle as Sansa Stark. He always did have an affinity for Arya. Ygritte and Arya are pretty similar actually. Both like to talk tough, although, Ygritte is probably a bit more able to deliver. But, wait – is there some transferred psychology there? Oh creepy, Jon! Arya is your half-sister!

It’s also really cute how easily impressed Ygritte is. Girl, I’m pretty sure you’re the one that knows nothing:

Remember that guy that tried to cut them loose during that climbing accident on The Wall? Oh yeah, apparently now he has feelings for Ygritte. Dude, THAT’s how you show her that you like her? By trying to KILL her? Someone needs to spend less time in his bird’s brain and more time in Podrick Payne’s.

Bran, The Little Man

Blah, blah, blah, must track down the three-eyed raven. Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, Osha, you tell him! Why DO you have to do all the work while they sit around and chat about their dreams? Wussy little lords. Puh.

Poor Osha. As an immigrant myself, I feel you, sista. That unbridled panic at being sent back to the place you escaped from. To quote Max Brooks, “you will never understand a refugee’s heart.” But then, we always knew she was a hard one. Burning down your home with your man in it – that’s some horrid stuff. Why are you so cruel, George RR Martin?!

The King in the North

King Robb has lots of sexy sex with Charlie Chaplin’s daughter. She’s now preggos. We get way too many shots of Chaplin child’s butt. Catelyn Stark looks on disapprovingly (not while they are having sex, mind you).

How many times do we have to go over how Talisa has essentially destroyed any chances of Robb winning the war? Listen to your momma, Robb, not your cock.

The Brotherhood without Banners

Arya is hitting that age when she’s less “cute and precocious” and more “whiny and annoying”. Look at her sit on that rock and whine about ‘not speaking to traitors’. And then going ahead and speaking to them anyway, like a snotty teenage girl. Actually, she kinda reminds me of 14 year old me.

She’s not the cleverest of the Starks, is she? Well, the Starks were never a clever lot, but today, Arya really takes the cake. Yes, I’ll just run off into the wilderness with no food or resources, away from these men who are bound to protect me. Let’s just sprint off into the darkness. I’m sure I’ll be better off. Tra-la-la! Oh no! Oh wait! AUUGHHH!! THE HOUND!

Moron.

Theon Not-so-gay-joy

I’m really starting to feel for him. I couldn’t actually sit through his segment without visibly cringeing and clutching onto The Boyfriend for moral support. Why the mind games?! Why!? Just kill him already! Not his cock! Noooo!!!

Poor Theon…

The Boyfriend actually made an incredibly astute observation. He thinks that the Boltons have Theon (I’ve read the books, but don’t remember this part. The Boyfriend has not read the books). He pointed out that the cross that Theon has been strung up on looks similar to the flayed man on the Bolton’s coat of arms. What was amazing was that this is how The Boyfriend picked up on it:

The Boyfriend: “Oh hey, that emblem thing on Roose Bolton’s vest kinda looks like Theon. Do the Boltons have him?!”

King’s Landing

Sansa is bitching to Margaery about her upcoming nuptials to Tyrion. Oh noes! I have to copulate with a dwarf! Sansa’s so sad she can’t have sword-swallower Loras! Meanwhile, Margaery is engaged to the whore-murderer.

Ugh, what a diddling fool. I’m glad Margaery is there to talk her through the whole sex thing, even if she did just admit that she’s slept around. A LOT.

Honey, we could tell by your wardrobe.

At the same time, Tyrion is bemoaning having to marry ‘The Stark Child’. Tyrion has some values, okay? And look at him trying to appease Shae. Ugh, whatever. She is ACTUALLY a gold-digger (as in trying to dig into the Lannister’s famous gold, geddit? Lols). How does he not see this?

Finally, we get a tasty morsel of Tywin Lannister. Alas, no Olenna this week, but we get to see Tywin patronize the bajesus out of Joffrey. Look at how he’s so diplomatic, yet every word is dripping with indulgence and condescension. When I grow up, I want to be Tywin Lannister (gold and all).

That was essentially a complicated version of “All right, precious child-king. [Pats him on the head] Off to bed with you.”

The Handsome Twosome

Jaime and Brienne have established one of the most complicated and touching relationships of the entire series. It’s gratifying to see how its grown from hostility to mutual respect and hesitant trust. Brienne, not Cersei, has made a man out of Jaime. I guess you could say the same of Jaime, making a woman out of Brienne. She’s able to be open and vulnerable around him. And for once, she is the damsel in distress, to be saved by the dashing Ser Jaime!

Well, okay, not so dashing. He’s a bit too hobo chic right now to be considered anything close to dashing. When he jumped into the arena, I literally screamed to The Boyfriend, “WHAT THE HELL DOES THE GIMP THINK HE’S GOING TO DO!?”

“I am the Khaleesi, and you will do as I say!”

Indeed. Khaleesi is on a hot streak. Qarth, then Astapor, and now Yunkai. Watch out, Yunkish peeps! The Valyrian Abe Lincoln is out for slaver blood!

Can we all just savor how she decimates this Yunkish dude? Ooooh! Look at how big her wee dragons are getting!

BONUS – Tywin Lannister looking fierce as hell in hooker boots. Can’t unsee? Well SCREW YOU, he’s still a bad ass.

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Lip Sync Battle: Jimmy Fallon vs. John Krasinski

Who is better at faux karaoke? Late Night heavyweight Jimmy Fallon? Or Office clown and stealer of girls’ hearts, Jim Halpert?

JIM HALPERT FTW!

I can’t decide if I love this more:

Jim & Pam – or as The Boyfriend and I dub them, ‘JAM’

Or this:

Emily Blunt & John Krasinski – umm, ‘Bluntinski’?

All I know is that I’m a very jealous lady.

Bonus – The Best Jim and Pam Moments from The Office

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Mad Men Recap (S06 E06): Pete falls down the stairs

I just need to get this out of the way:

Danggit, Don! I’m sho angwee wif you!

LOL –  poor Pete.

Anyway, back to the other stuff:

Is this the birth of SCPDCGC?

Anyway, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and Cutler Gleeson Chaough merged! And once again, Don has his clutches back into our favourite Miss Peggy.

It seems like Mad Men is doomed to repeating its greatest hits. Last week, we had the Martin Luther King Jr version of that great JFK Assassination episode. This week, we have the less-exciting version of that episode where they robbed Sterling Cooper and became a mouthful (“Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, how may I help you?”)

Noted, it was a better episode than last week’s, but my laziness in posting this up has been a clear indication of my waning interest in Mad Men’s Season 6. Where everyone used to be a mystery wrapped in an enigma – after 5 excellent seasons, everyone has become an irritating roommate that I know all too well. In other words, OMG how predictable.

This episode, ‘For Immediate Release’, sees SCDP chasing after the illustrious Chevrolet account. Don ditches Jaguar because he’s too cool for Herb Rennet (okay, Herb is also a heinous pig – kinda fair). Everyone’s pissed when they find out because SCDP was in the midst of going public. CGC is also chasing the Chevy account. Roger makes some big moves to get SCDP in the running by schmoozing up a first-class flight attendant (OMG DANIELLE PANABAKER) into giving him the low down. Megan’s mom is back and being a delicious French bitch. Peggy is in a shitty apartment block where fecal matter is a common gift on one’s stairwell.

En garde:

El Douchebag – OF COURSE, this man is incapable of thinking about anyone but himself. Screw the people that love and support me, screw the company that made me rich – IMMA FIRE JAGUAR BECAUSE THAT FAT GUY IS DISGUSTING. Let’s just forget Joan’s immense sacrifice. Then, of course, being the lucky bastard he is, he lands in the right place and the right time to ride in like the prodigal son in gleaming white armour with the solution. Welcome back to being stuck in my shadow, Peggs!

I will wear this in my casket.

– 40 pts (for being a selfish asshole) – 50 pts (for dicking over Joan) – 20 pts (his smug puffy face when he announces his presence to Peggy) + 10 pts (for the apparent ingeniousness of the merger) = – 100 pts

Miss Peggy – She’s living in a yucky apartment. Her boyfriend looks like a hobo (which is probably what he smells like too). There’s a crack addict taking number 2’s on her stairwell. AND she’s KISSING UP her boss now.

All that sexual tension is messing with the TV.

All that sexual tension is messing with the TV.

5 pts (for telling Abe he’s not an electrician, just a moron) -10 (for not having the balls to lead the life she actually wants to lead, but settling for Hobo Abe) = – 5 pts (SHIT Peggs, you can do better than this)

Mr Silver Stallion – Roger Sterling, you cad! He seems a bit like George Clooney – treating the girls well, sending them on their way, and no one has a bad thing to say about him. Except in this case, he was fooling around with that Earth mother chick from Sky High…

Are we sure she’s legal, Roger?

Well, I guess Roger is still the perpetual man-child with his irrepressible boyish charm, so why not? Mega-plus, watching him schmooze that Chevy guy like a pro made me all giggly inside.

20 pts (for being a cuter Clooney) + 10 pts (interesting / questionable taste in women – i.e. Earth child) + 30 pts (for showing us how its done, Accounts-style) = 60 pts

Sideburns Campbell – Its a big week for Sideburns. At work, he finds out his company is going public and he has obviously been instrumental to SCDP’s growth. YAY, Pete! But then, Don dicks it all up. Pete takes a fantastic tumble.

I’m sorry – I had to see it again.

He’s left where he started – angry and humiliated. On the personal side of things, he finally thinks he has an in with Trudy. Alas, he acts like a spoiled child when he doesn’t get sexy times. To satiate himself, he goes to a ‘party house’ where he. very unfortunately, runs into his FATHER-IN-LAW leaving the room with the “biggest blackest prostitute you’ve ever seen”. Then of course, when Trudy’s dad takes Vick Chemical away, he goes and ruins everything out of spite. Mutually-assured destruction, indeed.

Can you hear the crickets, Pete?

Can you hear the crickets, Pete?

10 pts (for trying so hard – I feel bad for the guy) – 5 pts (for whining about no sex like a 4 year old) – 20 pts (spiteful ranting to Trudy about her dad’s big black prostitute) + 20 pts (for excellent physical comedy timing) = 5 pts

Joan – MRS HARRIS IS LETTING HER HAIR DOWN.

You saucy minx, you.

You saucy minx, you.

Here sits Joan, former secretary, turned Office Manager, turned Director of Agency Operations, turned ‘not silent’ partner at premier Madison Avenue advertising agency, SCDP. “Compliments to the chef”, indeed! Imagine Joan in the 21st Century. She would be unstoppable.

Then, of course, Don went and did what Don does. You go, Mrs Harris, for standing up to El Douchebag!

We're all corporate whores! Deal with it, Don!

We’re all corporate whores! Deal with it, Don!

20 pts (for being Joan, the immaculate beacon of efficiency) + 20 pts (for the grace it takes to maintain dignity in the face of whore-dom) = 40 pts

Ken Cosgrove – I love Ken. Where’s the wifey? God knows, I can’t remember her name either, Megan. She’ll always be Alex Mack to me.

Alex Mack grew up and found a good one.

5 pts (“That’s why I don’t worry about the bomb! Mutually-assured destruction!” – Ohh, Ken!) 

Trudy – Kick his ass to the kerb, hon. Good riddance.

"We're done, Peter! Get your things!"

“We’re done, Peter! Get your things!”

50 pts!

THE WINNER: Roger Sterling

Bonus – The Ultimate Don Draper Pitch. He’s El Douchebag, but a very talented El Douchebag:

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Extra Dose of Random: Soggy Macaron

You have to be really Australian (or at least middling-ly Australian) to get this:

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Daily Dose of Random: Beauty Industry Secret

Do you want: (1) smooth dewy skin, (2) sparkling doe eyes, (3) firm toned buttocks ..etc?

Here is one beauty secret that the industry has kept under lock and key for all these years!

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