Tap for us, Kenny.
This week’s episode is really surreal. “The Crash” sees our Mad cast colliding headfirst into illicit pharmaceuticals and poorly made decisions.
It starts off with Ken Cosgrove in the middle of a Yuppie PSA against drunk driving. When we get back to the headquarters of SCDPCGC, we see everyone on the verge of passing out from the strain of dealing with Chevy. Aside from Kenny performing like a sideshow monkey for the Chevy douches, we’ve got Cutler shooting everyone up on ‘vitamin stimulants’ and Stan slutting it up with dead-Gleeson’s daughter.
Don said it best – “Every time we get a car, this place turns into a whorehouse.” (And yes, I get it – the flashbacks to his adolescence at the pleasure house parallels this week’s environment at SCDPCGC)
El Douchebag – The one thing I really can’t stand is his flippant attitude towards his work. His colleagues tolerate his slothfulness and lack of commitment because of occasional strokes of brilliance. What utter bullshit. This is a man who is happy to reap the rewards handed to him off the compromises of others. However, the minute he is asked to dance to tune other than his own, he breaks team. I know his lone wolf shtick is what gets all your panties damp, but El Douchebag has never taken one for the team. This is definitely not a man I can get behind. (Just FYI, I was that person in group projects that ran the assignment with an iron fist – its all about perspective).
– 20 pts (for typing up some crap for Sylvia when everyone else was stressing about Chevy) – 40 pts (for being an absentee father) – 10 pts (for his puffy red drugface) – 20 pts (for bailing on Ted Chaough because Chevy wasn’t all it cracked up to be) = – 90 pts
Miss Peggy – OOooOOOooOoOohhhHHhhhhh! Miss Peggy and Stan gettin’ it on! Okay, they didn’t really get anything on. We’ve all felt the sparks since that episode where they’re both buck-nekkid in a hotel room working on some account. I feel the chemistry, although I applaud Miss Peggy for guiding their relationship back into the comfortable sibling territory that defines their rapport. Miss Peggy isn’t after Stan. She’s not even after Chaough. She’s just after something more than Abe. The sooner she admits that, the better.
20 pts (for having a great ass)
Stan – Oh Stan. You’re my favourite deadbeat beatnik.
10 pts (for playing William Tell and getting stabbed by a pencil) + 10 pts (for your rakish jock charm despite the grossness of sleeping with hippie Wendy Gleason) = 20 pts
Ted Chaough – It’s really touching to see how genuine he was in his comments about his deceased partner, Frank Gleason. I remember early in the fifth season (or was it the fourth?), they made him seem like the wannabe Don. He tried a little too hard to be considered suave. I believe that Ted Chaough is just as good as Don work-wise, and infinitely better than Don as a human being. If Don is your star striker who delivers big during important games, Ted Chaough is your reliable midfielder who consistently gets the job done well. Except the sheen of Don’s genius is a little duller in the bright of day as he proves to be nothing more than a shallow promise of occasional brilliance. Don is Fernando Torres to Chaough’s Steven Gerrard. (Yes, I support Liverpool FC.)
10 pts (condolence points, for Frank Gleason) + 20 pts (for giving me hope that not all Madison Avenue types are jerkwads) = 30 pts
Silver Fox – Two silver foxes matching their wits at checkers! Adorable. Is CGC just SCDP but less cool? Because, I swear, Jim Cutler is just the oily version of our loveable cad, Roger Sterling. They even have matching glasses! (But lets all agree that Roger is indisputably more debonair.)
10 pts (nice waistcoat) + 10 pts (nice spectacles) = 20 pts
Bonus 5 pts to Jim Cutler for sprinting up those stairs / racing Stan across the office.
Skinny Bitch Betty – SHE’S BACK!! Oh how I’ve missed you, Skinny Bitch!! My days have been dark and sombre without your vapid Betty-isms! So the kids were “held hostage by an elderly negro woman who robbed [Don and Megan] blind”. Of course, Betty’s natural reflex is to proclaim, “DO YOU KNOW THAT HENRY IS RUNNING FOR OFFICE?!”
10 pts (for her irreplaceable Betty-isms) + 30 pts (for marrying a stud of a husband) = 40 pts
Ken Cosgrove – He is a man who embodies the term ‘taking one for the team’.
50 pts (for the ‘It’s my job’ speech) + 10 pts (pity points, for your injuries) = 60 pts
WINNER: KEN COSGROVE
BONUS – Did you know Mad Men meangirl-ing is a thing? I didn’t?! I was delighted to discover this so I’ve compiled a compendium of my favourite Mad Men at their meangirly best. FYI – I can recite Mean Girls from start to finish. I am unashamed. (It’s Tina Fey-approved, after all.)