Tag Archives: 6×06

True Blood Recap (S06 E06): Dangerwhore’s Fairy Paradise

Have any of you girls ever had shiny bright fairy-light emanate from your crotch when you orgasmed? Hmm, no? Yeah, me neither. Maybe I should look into this ‘being a fairy’ thing.

Fairy Paradise

I’m pretty sure that 99.9% of the female True Blood audience is properly in love with Warlow by now. Especially after watching him pull a Prince Charming when rescuing Sookie’s drowning fairy butt:

    

That’s it. I’m done. Sorry, guys. I am very firmly on Team Warlow. Actually, I am Team Robert Kazinsky! Can’t decide what’s hotter – Robert Kazinsky rescuing fairy princess over here or Robert Kazinsky pummelling Kaiju ass in Pacific Rim.

You know, everyone gave Bella Swan a lot of shit for setting a bad example for young girls. Sookie Stackhouse makes Bella Swan look like Mother freakin’ Teresa.

Billith The Barely Functional

Can we just skip ahead to the part where Billith rescues vampire-kind already? He was made out to be all-powerful and shiz at the beginning of the season. So far, all he’s done is sit around weeping blood and kidnap a bunch of teenage fairy sluts.

I guess ripping off the Governor’s head is a step in the right direction.

Okayy, and him walking around in sunlight, impervious to bullets, mind-fucking guards and stuff. All that was pretty cool too.

   

Although, did he really just kill, and thus martyr, the one guy he could use for political gain? Nice one, dude. In the words of The Sister, BILL IS REALLY BAD AT BEING A VAMPIRE GOD.

Beeteedubs, Lillith’s downstairs wig was so bushy that you could see it straight through her dress. Was that really necessary, hair  department?

Camp Auschvamp

First off – THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING ERIC AND PAM. I would like to renew my True Blood loyalty card. Pfft, Pam and Eric turning on each other? NEVAAARRR!!! Booyah, Newlins!

One question though – how did Pam get her hands on the eyeliner and lipstick? Is there a daily make-up ration at Camp Auschvamp? Or does Pam get special treatment because that schlubby pervert therapist has a thing for her?

This week, we discover that Sarah Newlin has clearly lost her marbles.

I guess having sex with a gay guy, an old guy, and then a vampire-lovin’ guy can have that effect on you. After trying to orchestrate the Eric-Pam Gladiator Showdown, she tries to get her revenge on Jason by making him sit through a ‘copulation study’ between a valiant vampire named James and our innocent baby vamp, Jess.

I know it was blatant emotional manipulation, but watching James steadfastly refuse to rape Jessica for their ‘research purposes’, even under pain of UV torture, really pulled at my delicate heartstrings. I know its an obvious allegory for highlighting ‘who the real monsters are’, but whatever. James was soppy dude, but I think Jessica needs some soppy sweetness right about now.

   

Seriously though, writers, can we please get James to come back for more episodes? I’m sensing a prison love-story here, folks.

Aw man, I really miss Jessica and Hoyt. Her and Jason Stackhouse just isn’t right. Although, kudos to Jason for using his noodle and talking his way into the LAVTF! Who would’ve thunk it. Jason Stackhouse, The Con Man.

Well, those racist fucks are also evil motherfuckers because contaminating the vampire food source with a bio-engineered virus is some malevolent Nazi shit. How is the rest of America so happy dandy with Louisiana on the brink of mass genocide? Seriously, Obama – don’t tell me the NSA doesn’t have hard-drives packed with files about Truman Burrell and his twisted vamp camp.

Oh yeah, and they killed off Nora (please, guys, of course she’s going to die). I guess that’s sad. For Eric.

    

Not to be insensitive, but I really do enjoy it when Eric tries to be human:

Can we just skip to the part where Billith tears apart the vamp camp Tru Blood facility with his bare hands already? (Or better yet, with his fancy new mind powers!)

R.I.P. Terry Bellefleur

Terry and Arlene were my favourite couple. Yes, even amongst the gamut of intense supernatural lovin’, Terry and Arlene – Tarlene (?) – were the true golden couple. Never mind that Terry had a gnarly case of PTSD that left him mentally debilitated fifty percent of the time. Never mind that Arlene is a divorcee single mother wrapped in a glossy layer of turquoise velour and white trash.

Their relationship was one founded on mutual trust and respect (unlike so many others on the show). After all, a couple that hides a murder together is one that stays together (not that I’m advocating homicide.) In the end, True Blood has lost its one and only proper love story.

We’ll miss you, Terry Bellefleur.

   

   

*Sniff* Can we all just remember happier times?

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Mad Men Recap (S06 E06): Pete falls down the stairs

I just need to get this out of the way:

Danggit, Don! I’m sho angwee wif you!

LOL –  poor Pete.

Anyway, back to the other stuff:

Is this the birth of SCPDCGC?

Anyway, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and Cutler Gleeson Chaough merged! And once again, Don has his clutches back into our favourite Miss Peggy.

It seems like Mad Men is doomed to repeating its greatest hits. Last week, we had the Martin Luther King Jr version of that great JFK Assassination episode. This week, we have the less-exciting version of that episode where they robbed Sterling Cooper and became a mouthful (“Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, how may I help you?”)

Noted, it was a better episode than last week’s, but my laziness in posting this up has been a clear indication of my waning interest in Mad Men’s Season 6. Where everyone used to be a mystery wrapped in an enigma – after 5 excellent seasons, everyone has become an irritating roommate that I know all too well. In other words, OMG how predictable.

This episode, ‘For Immediate Release’, sees SCDP chasing after the illustrious Chevrolet account. Don ditches Jaguar because he’s too cool for Herb Rennet (okay, Herb is also a heinous pig – kinda fair). Everyone’s pissed when they find out because SCDP was in the midst of going public. CGC is also chasing the Chevy account. Roger makes some big moves to get SCDP in the running by schmoozing up a first-class flight attendant (OMG DANIELLE PANABAKER) into giving him the low down. Megan’s mom is back and being a delicious French bitch. Peggy is in a shitty apartment block where fecal matter is a common gift on one’s stairwell.

En garde:

El Douchebag – OF COURSE, this man is incapable of thinking about anyone but himself. Screw the people that love and support me, screw the company that made me rich – IMMA FIRE JAGUAR BECAUSE THAT FAT GUY IS DISGUSTING. Let’s just forget Joan’s immense sacrifice. Then, of course, being the lucky bastard he is, he lands in the right place and the right time to ride in like the prodigal son in gleaming white armour with the solution. Welcome back to being stuck in my shadow, Peggs!

I will wear this in my casket.

– 40 pts (for being a selfish asshole) – 50 pts (for dicking over Joan) – 20 pts (his smug puffy face when he announces his presence to Peggy) + 10 pts (for the apparent ingeniousness of the merger) = – 100 pts

Miss Peggy – She’s living in a yucky apartment. Her boyfriend looks like a hobo (which is probably what he smells like too). There’s a crack addict taking number 2’s on her stairwell. AND she’s KISSING UP her boss now.

All that sexual tension is messing with the TV.

All that sexual tension is messing with the TV.

5 pts (for telling Abe he’s not an electrician, just a moron) -10 (for not having the balls to lead the life she actually wants to lead, but settling for Hobo Abe) = – 5 pts (SHIT Peggs, you can do better than this)

Mr Silver Stallion – Roger Sterling, you cad! He seems a bit like George Clooney – treating the girls well, sending them on their way, and no one has a bad thing to say about him. Except in this case, he was fooling around with that Earth mother chick from Sky High…

Are we sure she’s legal, Roger?

Well, I guess Roger is still the perpetual man-child with his irrepressible boyish charm, so why not? Mega-plus, watching him schmooze that Chevy guy like a pro made me all giggly inside.

20 pts (for being a cuter Clooney) + 10 pts (interesting / questionable taste in women – i.e. Earth child) + 30 pts (for showing us how its done, Accounts-style) = 60 pts

Sideburns Campbell – Its a big week for Sideburns. At work, he finds out his company is going public and he has obviously been instrumental to SCDP’s growth. YAY, Pete! But then, Don dicks it all up. Pete takes a fantastic tumble.

I’m sorry – I had to see it again.

He’s left where he started – angry and humiliated. On the personal side of things, he finally thinks he has an in with Trudy. Alas, he acts like a spoiled child when he doesn’t get sexy times. To satiate himself, he goes to a ‘party house’ where he. very unfortunately, runs into his FATHER-IN-LAW leaving the room with the “biggest blackest prostitute you’ve ever seen”. Then of course, when Trudy’s dad takes Vick Chemical away, he goes and ruins everything out of spite. Mutually-assured destruction, indeed.

Can you hear the crickets, Pete?

Can you hear the crickets, Pete?

10 pts (for trying so hard – I feel bad for the guy) – 5 pts (for whining about no sex like a 4 year old) – 20 pts (spiteful ranting to Trudy about her dad’s big black prostitute) + 20 pts (for excellent physical comedy timing) = 5 pts

Joan – MRS HARRIS IS LETTING HER HAIR DOWN.

You saucy minx, you.

You saucy minx, you.

Here sits Joan, former secretary, turned Office Manager, turned Director of Agency Operations, turned ‘not silent’ partner at premier Madison Avenue advertising agency, SCDP. “Compliments to the chef”, indeed! Imagine Joan in the 21st Century. She would be unstoppable.

Then, of course, Don went and did what Don does. You go, Mrs Harris, for standing up to El Douchebag!

We're all corporate whores! Deal with it, Don!

We’re all corporate whores! Deal with it, Don!

20 pts (for being Joan, the immaculate beacon of efficiency) + 20 pts (for the grace it takes to maintain dignity in the face of whore-dom) = 40 pts

Ken Cosgrove – I love Ken. Where’s the wifey? God knows, I can’t remember her name either, Megan. She’ll always be Alex Mack to me.

Alex Mack grew up and found a good one.

5 pts (“That’s why I don’t worry about the bomb! Mutually-assured destruction!” – Ohh, Ken!) 

Trudy – Kick his ass to the kerb, hon. Good riddance.

"We're done, Peter! Get your things!"

“We’re done, Peter! Get your things!”

50 pts!

THE WINNER: Roger Sterling

Bonus – The Ultimate Don Draper Pitch. He’s El Douchebag, but a very talented El Douchebag:

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