Tag Archives: 6×07

True Blood Recap (S06 E07): Stockholder Syndrome

True Blood is giving me stockholder syndrome, I tell you. I know its being bad to me, but I can’t help getting attached every time it throws me a morsel of good.

Der Führer, Sarah Newlin 

AUGHHHH, Sarah Newlin! Don’t smooch up The Governor’s dismembered head!! Its just soo… unsanitary.

Seriously, though – Anna Camp and her crazy eyes make me want to either (a) run screaming into the hills for fear of bible-thumpers with pitchforks, or (b) worship at the altar of her batshitty-ness.

I can’t quite tell if her religious zeal is genuine or if she just uses it as a weapon to gain power. Probably a bit of both. It seems that her once pure beliefs were corrupted into running rampant with so-called ‘glorious purpose’. There is nothing scarier than a power-hungry zealot. Case in point, her mad-genius plan is to hide the Governor’s death so that she can be the sole mouthpiece of the vampire-extermination political machine. How twisted is that?

She is one scary bitch.

  

Danger Whore’s Post-Coital Proposal

Their post-coital cuddling session looks like Instagram swallowed it whole and spat it out with a ‘Hipsterize’ filter.

Oh Warlow, don’t go getting all girly on Sookie. One-time garden fairy sex does not guarantee an eternity of commitment. I know she’s your predestined fairy queen and all, but Robert Kazinsky – you can do better than Danger Whore. Leave her to her bloody orgastic Bon Temps circus and escape into another dimension before she drags you through her stinking pile of drama.

Mourning Terry Bellefleur

Whenever Carrie Preston deigns to grace True Blood with her electric performances, I’m reminded of why my love-hate relationship with True Blood frequently errs toward gleeful, guiltless love. She is such a joy to watch. She has that magic ability to make you feel devastated in one moment and then spin it into hilarity in the next. I love her even when she’s dissing Lafayette as a “voodoo queer”. MOARR ARLENE!!

Sex and Stockholder Syndrome at Camp Auschvamp

First off – HAH! I knew that our Vamp in Shining Armour, James, would be back for some Baby Vamp lovin’. Did I call it, or did I call it? Okay, to be fair, probably everyone ‘called it’. Regardless, I’m thoroughly satisfied to have our Vampire Knight back. I really like him and Jessica together – its all very ‘supernatural teen romance novel’. Given, he looks a bit too much like Taylor Hanson for me. Nevertheless, I’m sure he’ll MmmBop his way into Ms Hamby’s ‘heart’.

  

While Jessica gets all gooey over Vampire Knight, I think Jason is the unsung hero here. Did you see his face when she asked him for some “privacy”? You could practically see the gears in his brain grinding to keep up with the implications. Dear, sweet, Jason Stackhouse. He’s a bit like Hodor with a hot body. Sure, hes been misguided a few times during the series, but he’s grown into such a well-meaning and kind-hearted person. Jason Stackhouse is so adorbs, even if he’s a bit on the daft side.

Sex is certainly the currency of trade at Camp Auschvamp. I’m simultaneously impressed and reviled by Pam’s employment of her significant talents to manipulate the schlobby pervert therapist. Pam is so devious. I love her. Poor thing for having to resort to his gluggy, cholesterol-clogged blood though.

The Vampire Chronicles: Interview with Eric Northman

You know that sepia-toned flashback where we see Eric Northman all done up like The Vampire Lestat, encountering human Nora for the first time  back in plague-ridden England? This is what we needed last season to generate sympathy for Nora. Now, I freakin’ adore Nora. Was that your intention, writer-room? Make us love Nora before she disintegrates into a goopy pile of vampire innards? Dicks.

In all seriousness, the Eric-Nora story arc in this episode was surprisingly moving. All the credit must go to Alexander Skarsgard (and yes, Lucy Griffiths for her baleful blue doe-eyes). True Blood doesn’t really give him much else to do other than strike threatening poses and drop sarcastic one-liners. It must’ve been nice for him to stretch his legs dramatically. He’s been on the brink of breaking out for a few years now. I really hope some casting director watches this and decides to put him in a movie where he’s more than “the broody dangerous sexy guy”. He’s the son of Stellan frickin’ Skarsgard, people! That’s some fine acting thoroughbred genes he’s got there. I beseech you, Internet denizens – let him be associated with better roles than Edward Cullen 2.0 in Fifty Shades of Grey.

It was absolutely gut-wrenching to watch him to clutch desperately to Nora as she (literally) fell apart in his arms. Please let this mean that this cues psycho-Eric. I’d love to watch him get genocidal on those racist motherf*ckers.

  
  

CONCLUSION: What was that? I still don’t give a shit about werewolves and shifters? Oh, yes, that’s correct.

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Mad Men Recap (S06 E07): The Big Merger

So I put off writing this for a week because I’m a lazy sod. Its cold in Melbourne and when you ask me “do you prefer sleep or do you prefer tapping away on a cold keyboard?” – I CHOOSE WARM COSY SLEEP. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have an abundant things to say about episode 7 of penultimate season, ‘Man with a Plan’.

Finally! The big ole merger! Where we get to see everyone be awkward and swing their dicks around to make damn sure they get to stay. It seems a bit silly that they move into SCDP offices because CGC offices always looked a bit bigger. Honestly, SCDP offices look like those thin-walled cubicle doo-dads that make you want to kill yourself after just a few months. Oh, wait, is that tasteless to say since Lane killed himself in those offices? Or does that make my statement accurate? Regardless, its depressing. And cramped. So basically, a suicide machine.

El Douchebag – In this week’s episode of Mad Men, Don drinks a lot and acts like a sexually-aggressive d-bag! What a shocking twist! First off, he’s clearly threatened by Ted. Its not overt, but its evident. That’s something I will discuss at length when I give Teddy Chaough his very own honorary section! Secondly, there’s that whole hotel dalliance with Sylvia. So… I think they were trying to be sexy, but it all came off feeling rather desperate and contrived. For the first few seasons, they fooled us into thinking that Don was a smoky sex god. And then, he fingered Bobbie Barrett into submission at a fancy restaurant – thats when the alarm bells went off that this guy is a mega douchetool. This season, he’s that sad old married guy with the hot young wife who plagued with chronic dissatisfaction and fears of impotence. If I were Sylvia and he took my book away, I would’ve flipped, flipped him off, then f*cked off home. Good job, Sylvia, for ditching his sad lonely butt. That look of pure unadulterated panic on Don’s face when she broke it off was like ambrosia for my soul.

– 30 pts (for hazing Teddy Chaough, who, turns out, aint so bad) – 40 pts (for being gross at the hotel)  = – 70 pts 

Like I said, pure ambrosia.

Like I said, pure ambrosia.

Ted Chaough – Every time I type ‘Chaough’, I have to give it a few tries before I get it right. ‘Chaogh’? ‘Cheough?’ ‘Chaiugh’? NOPE – ‘Chaough!’ And then I google him for extra measure, just to make extra sure that the vowel sequence is correct. Gosh, its like writers wanted all other writers to hate him. But alas, Teddy Choagh – URGH, I mean Chaough – has won me over! He’s everything you would hope your colleague and boss could be. Fair, polite, generous, talented, with an excellent work ethic, and on top of that, he’s a pilot. Forget drinking like a fish, Ted. You’re a badass and Don knows it. Let him go soak his face in whisky like some redneck at farm fair drinking competition while you go flying your own personal jet.

20 pts (for being gallant, and giving up his seat to Moira at the conference table – that melted my heart right there) + 20 pts (for running that meeting without Don like a proper boss) + 5 pts (adorable drunkface Ted) + 50 pts (aviators) = 95 pts

Miss Peggy – Miss Peggy Olson, Coffee Chief. It might be the 60s, but Miss Peggy is doing really well for herself even by today’s standards. Especially by today’s standards. Copy Chief, female, under 30? I’m totes jealous! She doesn’t get much this episode, but she does have a brief shining moment as that awesome chick who tells it to you straight.

30 pts (for calling Don out as the alcoholic child that he is)

Joan – Is there anything funnier than watching some hoity-toity secretary trying to go toe to toe with the Grand Dame of the Office? Yeah, Moira – go take a seat, doll. Auntie Joanie will come burp you later. However, she does manage to peek beneath the smarm of resident mystery character, Bob Benson (SERIOUSLY, who is this guy?!). I have to say, I was thoroughly charmed by how he sweet-talked his way into seeing a doctor. He gots some real steeze! So, really, who is this guy? At first, I just thought he was a manifestation of the types of sleazeballs you have on Madison Avenue. Now, I’m not so sure. Did he really help Joan out because he wanted to keep his job? Or is he really a sweetheart in the body of a slimeball? Either way, he kept his job. Anyway, James Wolk (the actor who play Bob Benson) seems to be a big deal. My friend who watched Political Animals and Happy Endings freaking ADORES him. Buzzfeed loves him too. Hmm… is he the new breed on Madison Avenue? The desperate-to-please, subtly charming, and blindly ambitious yuppie of the new generation?

20 pts (default Joanie awesomeness) 

Uh, also 10 pts to Bob Benson, for persuading me write a whole bit about him in Joan’s section.

Silver Fox – HAHAHAHAH he gets a special mention purely for firing Burt Peterson again. Oh Roger, you cad, you rascal! Yet, I adore you.

20 pts!

Sideburns Campbell – Blah, blah, something about his crazy mom. Its been a week. I really don’t care. He’s still a jerk that we love to hate / hate to love. When will he get around to being the good guy he thinks he is / he wants to be? Sideburns, you will always be the most well-drawn character on Mad Men. Congrats.

20 pts (for Vincent Kartheiser, the only actor who throws himself into being despicable as aggressively and as enthusiastically as that Joffrey kid from Game of Thrones)

God, I miss Lane.

BONUS – Here is tribute to the mysterious Bob Benson, beverage enthusiast:

 

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