Tag Archives: Jessica Pearson

Suits Recap (S03 E01-02): Oh Captain Litt, My Captain

Louis is like that wannabe girl in high school that, no matter what she does, is still unpopular. Haven’t you realised by now Louis? The dynamic duo of Harvey + Mike will never be a triumvirate. You’re the Jenny Humphrey to their Blair and Serena. Strike out on your own Louis! I guarantee you there are other, more worthy people out there who would kill to join Team Litt.

That’s right, Louis. I want to be LITT UP.

Wooing for Team Litt

Louis Litt is my man. He’s come a long way from the vindictive, snivelling, two-faced coward in Season 1 and bloomed into the most sympathetic, eccentric, and well-developed character of Suits. His hairy behind has weaselled its way into my heart and established domicile. Poor Louis Litt was that kid that was bullied for being strange and socially-retarded in high school.

Who are we kidding? Pearson Hardman, now Pearson Darby, is high school with better clothes. Louis is still a Mathlete that loiters creepily around the drama club. Harvey is still the head jock / honour-roll student / bad boy prom king that snogs all the girls.

That’s why, when Nigel made an appearance, I was so thrilled. FINALLY, someone whose obsessive-compulsion and social-ineptitude matched the Litt level. But of course, after being betrayed so many times, Louis couldn’t recognise a true potential friend when he saw one. Its really quite sad. Not only did Nigel take his uni-balls and his bran bars, but taking the associates? That is LOW.

At least Louis got to experience his very own Dead Poets Society moment.

Bless Mike. All Louis wants is an ‘in’ with the cool kids. He just wants his own bro to romance.

Watching him and Louis tackle Eminent Domain this week was like watching the beginnings of a beautiful love story. The wining and dining. The steak. The cheesecake. The mud room – oh God, who could forget the glorious mud room.


Mike and Louis would’ve been a great team.

Mr & Mrs Specter

Alas, Louis could never stand in the way of true love. By that, of course, I mean Harvey Specter and his beleaguered bro-wife, Mike Ross.

As much as I want Mike and Louis to hook up, you can’t deny that Harvey and Mike are perfection. They are Ted & Marshall, they are Turk & J.D., they are Joey & Chandler, they are freaking Lucius Vorenus & Titus Pullo (“THIRTEENTH!!!!”). In sharply-tailored suits, of course.

That’s why it felt pretty frivolous watching Harvey and Donna meangirl Mike for two episodes.

They weren’t ever, ever, ever not going to get back together.

The Fungus Couple

Speaking of star-crossed lovers, I’ve never really been down with the Mike & Rachel connection. They were always kind of blah to me. It started off with him being all “ooh she’s so hot, she’s so feisty”, but then he got with Jenny. But he still flirted with Rachel. And then broke it off with Jenny. Started dating Rachel. But then broke it off with Rachel because he ‘couldn’t lie to her’. And she found out he’s a total fraud and liar. And she still takes him back?! Like, what up, Rachel? I thought you were a smart, empowered lady! He cheats and lies, but because he has innocent blue eyes and is supposedly well-endowed, its all totally peachy-keen?

(Haha, I just wanted an excuse to post that. Donna is mah guuurrrlll *snaps fingers while tossing hair around*.)

But whatever. I guess if writers are insisting that Mike & Rachel are the next Ross and Rachel (hoho Mike ROSS), then fine – I’ll get with the program.  I guess they’re kinda growing on me. Like a FUNGUS.

UGHHH FINE, I CONCEDE. That was pretty cute.

Don’t you hate it when Mommy and Daddy fight

While we’re evaluating couples, its so troubling when the ultimate power couple fights. By that, I mean Harvey and Jessica. Its like when Blair and Chuck fight – you can almost sense the looming apocalypse.

The world just ain’t right when they’re not scheming together. Let’s just acknowledge right now how the whole of Episode 2 was an allegory foreshadowing the potential double-crossing Harvey will be enacting on Jessica. I get it, she went behind his back. But don’t you think you’re being a little childish, Harvey? It was always her firm and if she needed a merger to survive, that’s her business. There’s a reason she can’t trust you, Harvey. You’re a loose cannon and now, you’re just proving her right with your recklessness and impulsiveness. Oh no, you didn’t get what you want. Boo frickin hoo. Let’s topple my patron and mentor because she put me in my place.

I love you Gabriel Macht, but you’re going to have to work really hard this season if you want me to keep supporting Team Harvey at the rate he’s going.

FYI – JESSICA PEARSON IS MY IDOL. This is my life plan: I shall be Jessica Pearson at 40, and Diane Lockhart at 50. I’ve clearly thought things through.

Jessica Pearson is one hot bitch with hella style, but wtf was she wearing in Episode 1? It was like she got cold and wrapped a dirty Ace bandage around her shoulders.

Game of Thrones suits up

You know who’s another hot bitch? Corporate Catelyn Stark. Whooo! You go, Michelle Fairley. Who knew Mrs Stark had such a rockin’ bod under all those furs.

You just know that Corporate Varys got her to hook-up. You know why Conleth Hill always plays a sneaky mofo? Because he does it with such charm and pizazz.

CONCLUSION: Can we stop the back-stabbing, guys? As we’ve just seen with Harvey and Mike, Jessica and Harvey will return to being the Brangelina of corporate law in no time. Let’s everyone go back to the status quo because any episode where anyone is scheming behind each others back is one wasted where they could’ve been awesomely taking down some slimy dickbag. Like Dominic. Ugh.

Silver lining? SUITS IS BACK! YAY!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hannibal Recap (S01 E04-E05): Moronic metaphors and Jessica Pearson

Tonight is a Hugh Dancy night, it seems! Je t’aime, Mr Claire Danes.

For all those following Hannibal, its been revealed that NBC refused to air Episode 4 in the wake of the Boston Bombings.

At first, I thought it was for fear of offending their viewers’ delicate sensibilities. Oh dear, how are all those Republican housewives who watch Hannibal going to keep from fainting? Now, I feel like a bit of an asshole. At the same time though, if we didn’t air a series known for its explicit content because of some human tragedy, you might as well just shut down all TV stations permanently. There is a freaking WAR going on, NBC.

There’s not much to recap with the Episode 4 webisodes. There are lots of obscure conversations between Hannibal and Mr Claire Danes, Hannibal and Morpheus, Hannibal and other Psychiatrist Chick (what’s-her-face?), as well as Hannibal and Psycho-killer’s Daughter. Just A LOT of confusing conversations interlaced with poorly-executed metaphors and irrelevant allegories.

"There's something so foreign about family. It's like an ill-fitting suit."

“There’s something so foreign about family. It’s like an ill-fitting suit.”


I can understand why Hannibal speaks in this way. Mads Mikkelsen sounds rather enigmatic, in fact (especially with his Danish accent). The rest of them just sound MORONIC.

Another complaint I had in my previous Hannibal recap was that there was too little food porn. I wanted my mouth to drool at the succulent food that Hannibal was making (which is rather perverse, I admit). However, I see that they’re trying a different, less controversial tack with this. Hannibal in the kitchen looks more like a scientist or a taxidermist. Everything looks very clinical and sterile. All the food looks INCREDIBLY unappetising. I guess we wouldn’t want to make cannibalism look delicious. That would definite offend viewers’ delicate sensibilities.

And for our main course, a boudin noir made with baby's kidneys and congealed Oriental blood.

And for our main course, a boudin noir made with baby’s kidneys and congealed Oriental blood.

However, one thing saves this episode for me. Special guest star: Jessica Pearson! For those of you who don’t watch Suits – you suck, and I hate you. Gina Torres guest stars as Morpheus’ wifey. Did you know she’s also his wifey in real-times? Nice one, Morpheus.


Episode 5 is a bit better. There are still a several ridiculous obscure conversations, each one more contrived than the last. But, we get to play with another serial killer! Whoohoo!

This time, the serial killer is a dude with a brain tumour who targets criminals and ‘saves’ them by turning them into angels. How does he turn them into angels, you ask? Why, little children, he carves out the skin on their backs into two flaps and hangs them up using fishing wire, of course! What a silly question:

'Makeshift Angels' by Psycho-killer #3

‘Makeshift Angels’ by Psycho-killer #3

The episode pretty much falls into shambles after that big reveal. It can’t seem to decide if it wants to be a police procedural or an ongoing serial. There are other shows that manage to be both, yet Hannibal insists on trying to be smarter than it is and then failing at everything.

It neglects the police procedural side of things as if its scared of being like CSI. C’mon, Hannibal showrunners – CSI is a multi-award winning, ratings hit for a reason.

I wouldn’t mind so much if they excelled in building relationships between the characters and explored the Hannibal mythology. However, they suck at that too. Instead, we just get a bunch of poorly-drawn characters, sitting around, talking with mixed metaphors and wondering why the baddies are still on the loose. Here’s a suggestion: stop sitting around on your asses, positing theories of Sun Tzu and go DO SOMETHING.

That’s actually becoming a hallmark of the Hannibal series – sitting / standing around and talking. That’s all they do! Talk, talk, talk, talk – about their bad childhoods and struggling relationships – all, of course, in obscure metaphors that  make as much sense as the storyline.

For example, why does Jessica Pearson, after one meal with Hannibal, decide to go to him for counselling? Yeah, lets just go interfere with Morpheus’ work life by spilling the beans about his marriage to his COLLEAGUE. And then we suddenly find out she has cancer? Okay…? It took me a while to process that she actually had cancer. I thought cancer was just another metaphor for her failing marriage…

Dr Hannibal, I have cancer. In my heart. Its called love. My undying love for Morpheus.

Dr Hannibal, I have cancer. In my heart. Its called love. My undying love for Morpheus.

I hesitate to say this, but even Mr Claire Danes is disappointing me a little. Its not completely his fault. You can only do so much with bad material (Sleepwalking? Um, okay?). It’s okay, Hugh – I forgive you. But, will Claire? She needs someone else to help her fill out her awards shelf.

I'm sorry, world.

I’m sorry, world.

In the end, we can still rely on our favourite menacing yet debonair villain, Mads Mikkelsen. He is ever the industry stalwart. The redundant dialogue transforms into diamonds when spilling from his mouth. Too bad its being wasted on such a sub-standard series.

Sexy and he knows it.

In conclusion, Hannibal still LOOKS like it should be a critically acclaimed series, but it gets in its own way. They want Mad Men dialogue, Dexter gore, Carnivale atmosphere, etc etc. In the end, all they’re getting is a steaming pile of convoluted crap.

Here’s to hoping Hannibal gets a handle on their metaphors.


Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,