Tag Archives: New York

Suits Recap (S03 E01-02): Oh Captain Litt, My Captain

Louis is like that wannabe girl in high school that, no matter what she does, is still unpopular. Haven’t you realised by now Louis? The dynamic duo of Harvey + Mike will never be a triumvirate. You’re the Jenny Humphrey to their Blair and Serena. Strike out on your own Louis! I guarantee you there are other, more worthy people out there who would kill to join Team Litt.

That’s right, Louis. I want to be LITT UP.

Wooing for Team Litt

Louis Litt is my man. He’s come a long way from the vindictive, snivelling, two-faced coward in Season 1 and bloomed into the most sympathetic, eccentric, and well-developed character of Suits. His hairy behind has weaselled its way into my heart and established domicile. Poor Louis Litt was that kid that was bullied for being strange and socially-retarded in high school.

Who are we kidding? Pearson Hardman, now Pearson Darby, is high school with better clothes. Louis is still a Mathlete that loiters creepily around the drama club. Harvey is still the head jock / honour-roll student / bad boy prom king that snogs all the girls.

That’s why, when Nigel made an appearance, I was so thrilled. FINALLY, someone whose obsessive-compulsion and social-ineptitude matched the Litt level. But of course, after being betrayed so many times, Louis couldn’t recognise a true potential friend when he saw one. Its really quite sad. Not only did Nigel take his uni-balls and his bran bars, but taking the associates? That is LOW.

At least Louis got to experience his very own Dead Poets Society moment.

Bless Mike. All Louis wants is an ‘in’ with the cool kids. He just wants his own bro to romance.

Watching him and Louis tackle Eminent Domain this week was like watching the beginnings of a beautiful love story. The wining and dining. The steak. The cheesecake. The mud room – oh God, who could forget the glorious mud room.

  

Mike and Louis would’ve been a great team.

Mr & Mrs Specter

Alas, Louis could never stand in the way of true love. By that, of course, I mean Harvey Specter and his beleaguered bro-wife, Mike Ross.

As much as I want Mike and Louis to hook up, you can’t deny that Harvey and Mike are perfection. They are Ted & Marshall, they are Turk & J.D., they are Joey & Chandler, they are freaking Lucius Vorenus & Titus Pullo (“THIRTEENTH!!!!”). In sharply-tailored suits, of course.

That’s why it felt pretty frivolous watching Harvey and Donna meangirl Mike for two episodes.

They weren’t ever, ever, ever not going to get back together.

The Fungus Couple

Speaking of star-crossed lovers, I’ve never really been down with the Mike & Rachel connection. They were always kind of blah to me. It started off with him being all “ooh she’s so hot, she’s so feisty”, but then he got with Jenny. But he still flirted with Rachel. And then broke it off with Jenny. Started dating Rachel. But then broke it off with Rachel because he ‘couldn’t lie to her’. And she found out he’s a total fraud and liar. And she still takes him back?! Like, what up, Rachel? I thought you were a smart, empowered lady! He cheats and lies, but because he has innocent blue eyes and is supposedly well-endowed, its all totally peachy-keen?

(Haha, I just wanted an excuse to post that. Donna is mah guuurrrlll *snaps fingers while tossing hair around*.)

But whatever. I guess if writers are insisting that Mike & Rachel are the next Ross and Rachel (hoho Mike ROSS), then fine – I’ll get with the program.  I guess they’re kinda growing on me. Like a FUNGUS.

UGHHH FINE, I CONCEDE. That was pretty cute.

Don’t you hate it when Mommy and Daddy fight

While we’re evaluating couples, its so troubling when the ultimate power couple fights. By that, I mean Harvey and Jessica. Its like when Blair and Chuck fight – you can almost sense the looming apocalypse.

The world just ain’t right when they’re not scheming together. Let’s just acknowledge right now how the whole of Episode 2 was an allegory foreshadowing the potential double-crossing Harvey will be enacting on Jessica. I get it, she went behind his back. But don’t you think you’re being a little childish, Harvey? It was always her firm and if she needed a merger to survive, that’s her business. There’s a reason she can’t trust you, Harvey. You’re a loose cannon and now, you’re just proving her right with your recklessness and impulsiveness. Oh no, you didn’t get what you want. Boo frickin hoo. Let’s topple my patron and mentor because she put me in my place.

I love you Gabriel Macht, but you’re going to have to work really hard this season if you want me to keep supporting Team Harvey at the rate he’s going.

FYI – JESSICA PEARSON IS MY IDOL. This is my life plan: I shall be Jessica Pearson at 40, and Diane Lockhart at 50. I’ve clearly thought things through.

Jessica Pearson is one hot bitch with hella style, but wtf was she wearing in Episode 1? It was like she got cold and wrapped a dirty Ace bandage around her shoulders.

Game of Thrones suits up

You know who’s another hot bitch? Corporate Catelyn Stark. Whooo! You go, Michelle Fairley. Who knew Mrs Stark had such a rockin’ bod under all those furs.

You just know that Corporate Varys got her to hook-up. You know why Conleth Hill always plays a sneaky mofo? Because he does it with such charm and pizazz.

CONCLUSION: Can we stop the back-stabbing, guys? As we’ve just seen with Harvey and Mike, Jessica and Harvey will return to being the Brangelina of corporate law in no time. Let’s everyone go back to the status quo because any episode where anyone is scheming behind each others back is one wasted where they could’ve been awesomely taking down some slimy dickbag. Like Dominic. Ugh.

Silver lining? SUITS IS BACK! YAY!

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Pacific Rim Trailer: The Transformers take Cloverfield

Michael Bay and JJ Abrams shat out this high-def video game and somehow got Idris Elba and Charlie Hunnam involved.

Sleeper hit? It IS Guillermo Del Toro, who is pretty awesome, but has a sketchy record at the box office. Its also coming out on the butt-end of summer. Kinda like a discard from the reject pile after a slamming blockbuster season filled with Iron Man 3, Man of Steel, and The Wolverine.

Let’s hope its more Transformers than it is Battleship.

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Mad Men Recap (S06 E05): MLK Jr dies

Is there anything more notable in domestic American politics of the 60s than the death of Martin Luther King Jr? Well, aside from the JFK assassination. The JFK episode was much better, I reckon.

The assassination of MLK rips open the sheltered bubble that our Madison Avenue bunch have blissfully created for themselves, exposing them to the civil rights turmoil roiling in the rest of society. That’s why we were getting so much of Dawn, the Black Secretary last week. The Mad Ave Crowd have no idea how to deal with it. For example, we get a hugely insensitive Harry Crane who harps on about losing money because of alterations to regular TV programming. All that goodwill I had for Harry last week – vanished in an instant.

Also, there’s a lot of awkward consoling of the ‘black folk’. Bobby Draper reaching out to the cinema sweeper. Peggy comforting her black secretary. Most awkward of all, Joan’s “we’re all so sorry” to Dawn? Okay… that’s the kind of naive ignorance I expect from Betty. The MLK thing is really screwing with the Mad Ave Crowd’s minds.

However, much like the JFK episode, the assassination of MLK similarly serves as a catalyst that spurs all characters to ponder their priorities. In the face of great human tragedy, all the Mad Men can think about is themselves.

Miss Peggy

Seeing Peggy stand in the centre of that apartment felt like a giant WIN for women. Okay, so the apartment wasn’t great. It was still the Upper East Side! Okay fine, it was basically falling off the UES into the sea. The point is, it was hugely satisfying watching that realtor cow stumble all over herself when she found out that PEGGY was the buyer and not Abe. Hurrah!

One day, all of this shall be MINE.

One day, all of this shall be MINE.

Turns out Abe is quite the modern man! Honestly, he kinda skeeves me out, but it was once again thoroughly satisfying to see a man completely un-intimidated and proud of his woman’s achievements. Abe is that guy. And he wants babies with her. Did you see her JOY? All I want is good things for Peggy!

Ohmigawd, bebehs!

Ohmigawd, bebehs!

40 pts (for buying her apartment, because that’s AWESOME) + 5 pts (for showing us her gleeful girl side) = 45 pts

Allen Ginsberg’s long lost cousin

I don’t really know what’s going on here with Michael. They probably just realised he still existed and they should do something with him. I imagine it went something like this:

Writer #1: “Oh hey! There’s that short Ginsberg kid. Its episode 5 and we haven’t done anything with him yet.”

Writer #2: “OH RIGHT! Let’s just stick him in some shitty blind date.”

Writer #1: “Gee whiz! What a great idea, pal!”

Writer #2: “Indeedio. Let’s reveal that he’s a lil ole virgin too. Hah!”

0 pts (lets face it, he did nothing this episode) + 1 pt (okay, pity point for still being a virgin) = 1 pt

Sideburns Campbell 

Despite his laundry list of flaws and insecurities, the one thing I have always admired in Pete is that he is a man of modern times. Well, that’s not really accurate because we’ve still got racists and bigots festering throughout the ass-cracks of society. But the point is, Pete is a man who believes in equality and dignity for all. One can do nothing but applaud when he delivered a verbal bitch-slap to Harry’s fat insensitive face.

"Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure you can make your money back on some movie-of-the-week next fall about the death of a great man."

“Don’t worry, Harry. I’m sure you can make your money back on some movie-of-the-week next fall about the death of a great man.”

He believes in respect, dignity, and equality for all. Just not for his wife, apparently. In all honesty, I believe Pete does the best he can. Its this crippling inferiority complex that he’s nursed all his life that has led him to his worst decisions. Of course, he likes to swing his dick around the office and with the lay-deez (or at least, he tries to). How else will he assure himself that he’s just as good as everyone else? Here’s some advice, Sideburns. You already have a number of good qualities. You have nothing to prove and no one to prove it to. Be the good man we know you want to be.

I savoured the small crumb of Brie that we got in this week’s episode (Brie = Alison Brie = Trudy Campbell. Geddit? So clever.) You can tell he loves her. She is his only match in life. Stand your ground, Trudy! Demand the respect you deserve!

20 pts (“ITS A SHAMEFUL, SHAMEFUL DAY!”) + 5 pts (for pleading with Trudy like the worm he knows he was) = 25 pts

Oh, Fat Betty, slam ba-lam

If we were playing ‘Snog, Shag, Marry’, the top of my Mad Men list for ‘Marry’ would be Henry Francis. Mr Perfect Husband has decided to run for senate! Huzzah! Exactly what Betty has been pushing for. But, did anyone else notice the look of sheer TERROR when he says that he’s excited for everyone to meet her? HAHA!

Oh shitballs, where are my laxatives?

Oh shitballs, where are my laxatives?

5 pts (for reminding us that she will always be superficial, vapid, Skinny Bitch Betty, no matter how chubby she gets)

El Douchebag Draper

The list of douchebaggery committed by El Douchebag this week:

1. Forgetting to pick up his children (whom he rarely sees)

2. Pawning off his children on Megan

3. Undermining their mother (regardless of how batshit Betty is, you shouldn’t do that)

4. Calling to find out about his married neighbour mistress while Megan is out taking care of his kiddums

5. Being a no good drunk that admits he never loved his children until maybe now

Mad Men has always managed to preserve a cold detachment to its characters. We see them without sentimentality – we seem them as they are. But this week, swelling orchestral music when Don admits his guilt over his lack of love for his children does little to win me over. In fact, I find it a little distasteful. Let me hate El Douchebag with all his flaws because he, of all the characters, deserves my loathing.

– Infinity pts (as usual)

WINNER: MISS PEGGY OLSON

BONUS reminder that Jon Hamm is NOT Don Draper (something I can’t be reminded of enough):

 

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Martha Marcy May Marlene Review: Baby Olsen goes topless

Martha Marcy May Marlene tells the story of a young naive girl named Martha who escapes a Manson family-type cult and struggles to go back to living like a regular human being.

The film opens with scenes from a quiet communal farm that could be called idyllic if the people didn’t look so derelict. Young strapping men are at work fixing up the farm while bedraggled girls sit around doing womanly domestic things like hanging up the laundry and cooking. At dinner, we see the women serving the men first while they crowd in their rickety kitchen, waiting for their turn. Its all very Mormon. That is, if Mormons had crazy sex orgies with multiple partners on their commune (yup, there’s one of those later).

Idyllic, just like a Little House on a Prairie up in here

Idyllic, just like Little House on a Prairie

Yeah, this is totally normal in the 21st Century

Yeah, this is totally normal in the 21st Century

Martha wakes up one morning and runs away into the woods. The ‘family’ chases after her, but she makes it into town. She’s tracked there by one of the young men. He offers to take her home, but she refuses. He leaves her, saying “take care of yourself,” which feels almost like a veiled threat.

This is one of the hallmarks of Martha Marcy May Marlene (I’m just gonna call it M4 now because I can’t remember the order of the names without Googling it). Everything seems calm and quietly pleasant on the surface, but there always seems to be something uneasy roiling beneath. Sean Durkin, the director, did a beautiful job of capturing the stillness of every scene, allowing the often shocking content to stand on its own. Half the time, you almost don’t understand what you’re seeing until its over – it’s as if you’re seeing it all through the fresh, naive eyes of Martha.

Martha is picked up by her older sister, Lucy, who takes her home to the holiday lake-house she shares with her husband, Ted. Played by Sarah Paulson and the delicious Mr Claire Danes, Lucy and Ted are the ultimate 21st Century Yuppies. Martha struggles to assimilate herself to their lifestyle, doing and saying a number of strange things that discomfit the Yuppie Couple. For example, Martha doesn’t understand why only the two of them live in such a spacious house, or why it’s not okay to swim in the nude.

That's an interesting choice of swimwear.

That’s an interesting choice of swimwear.

Or, why its not okay to come into the room and lay down on the bed when your yuppie sister and her husband are boinking.

Mr Claire Danes: "WTF?! I'm out."

Mr Claire Danes: “WTF?! I’m out.”

Martha is played by Elizabeth Olsen (yes, sister to Mary Kate & Ashley of bag-lady fashion fame). Baby Olsen delivers a STUNNING performance as Martha. She projects both maturity and purity simultaneously. She is magnetic. And god, her voice is so lush. She reminds me of Carey Mulligan in An Education. YES, I am putting that out there. Elizabeth Olsen is THAT good. She’s got her tits out an awful lot though. I suppose that’s how you’re meant to know that this is a *serious art film*. Maybe if it had been deployed a bit less freely, it might’ve been okay. It made me feel really dirty seeing Baby Olsen’s boobs. But then again, that was probably the point.

The Magical Miss Mulligan: future Elizabeth Olsen, but with less chest-icular exposure

Another notable mention is John Hawkes as Patrick. No one could’ve embodied the charisma and the menace that he somehow projects so organically. He’s frighteningly seductive. Like, you’re totally freaked out because you could see how you would fall under his spell.

Hey, darlin’. I’m not creepy at all.

The beauty of M4 was how it seems to drift seamlessly between the past, the present, and her paranoia. You’re never quite sure if the cult is after her, or if it’s all in her head. You’re never sure of what will trigger Martha’s memories. And as much as this is marketed as a thriller, don’t go in expecting blaring horns and tense orchestral strings. The peaceful quiet is what sets your hairs on end.

You go, Sean Durkin.

ps. I wish I could be snarkier (and more entertaining), but I refuse to treat M4 with the least bit of disrespect. Its a stunner.

pps. I know you’re super curious to know where Martha, Marcy May, and Marlene come from. The trailer kinda reveals two of them, but I guess you’ll just have to watch to find out the third! Muahaha!

Go see it (if you haven’t already, you uncultured buffoon)!

BONUS – Here’s some classic Carey, whom I love greatly and dearly:

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