Tag Archives: S06E08

True Blood Recap (S06 E08-E09): Tarlene Forever

Firstly, apologies for my truly lacklustre work ethic. Forgive me for schlumping two episodes together in this recap. Sure, I’m a lazy turd. However, let’s just all admit that jack-all happened in Episode 8 except for some sappy Sookie soul-searching.

The Fairy Princess Bride

Oh my god, Sookie has been wearing that same outfit (floral skirt, thigh high black socks, and boots) for three frickin episodes. Doesn’t it smell? Doesn’t it smell of SHINY FAIRY SEX JUICES and DEAD DADDY SWAMP MURDER? As harrowing as her story is, I was mainly glad that she finally got a hot shower and a fresh set of clothes. (Even if said clothes  looked like they belonged in my seventh grade wardrobe. Those pigtails, however, I left in kindergarten.)

Here’s the skinny: Bill wants Warlow’s blood so he can pass it around like the bloody Holy Grail and level up all the vampires at Camp Auschvamp into day-walkers. Tricky thing is that everyone hates Bill now because he’s a delusional megalomaniac and nobody wants to help him.

Nevertheless, Sookie wants to save her friends (yada, yada) so she opts in to Bill’s Vamp-Saving Brigade and agrees to persuade Warlow to help. In return, Warlow drops an ultimatum on Miss Fairy Princess – you want my blood? you better fuckin’ marry me. Well, he says it a lot nicer than that. He proposes (eternity) to her.

Hehe – look at Rob Kazinsky. Gosh darn it, ain’t he a cutie?!

She reluctantly agrees to being his Fairy Princess Bride for all of Eternity, of course, because she is the ultimate danger-whore. However, not before she tries to scam on Sam to try and make him ask her to give up her powers. Good on you, Sam, for telling her to shove off! (Applause)

What is it with Anna Paquin and trying to relinquish her powers to be normal? Sookie doesn’t want to be a fairy with bright shiny powers. Anna Marie doesn’t want to be Rogue and chill with the cool-as-fuck X-Men.  (Plus who the fuck doesn’t want to spend eternity with Warlow and his six-millenia hard on?) Does Anna Paquin just give off that normal nancy vibe, casting directors? I really want to know! As stupid as it is sometimes, I would rather be a fucking fairy with shiny hands that gets to bump uglies with hot supernatural men than be a regular ole bumpkin in Bon Temps with 3.5 children and a chubby booze-guzzling husband.

Final note – kudos to Anna Paquin for that stirring speech about how she’d rather be a walking corpse and for her parents to fuck off for being close-minded murderous douchebags. Snaps for Sookie!

Sarah Newlin is INSANE-ULOUS

MEGA-FUCKIN-SNAPS for ANNA CAMP and her award-worthy turn as Sarah Newlin: Crazy Christian Crackpot.

Item #1 – Sarah Newlin hamster-wheels her ex-hubby

Item #2 – Sarah Newlin tries to bake a pie with Vamp-gizzard filling (Bye, Steve Newlin – its been fun!)

  

  

Item #3 – Sarah Newlin smashes up the face of Asian Corporate Lady

I was totally rooting for bad-ass Asian chick though. YEAHH!! KNEE HER IN HER LADY BALLS!

Let this be a lesson to ye, little children. Stilettos kill. Let justice rain down upon those who are deserving. In the form of an angry Jason Stackhouse:

Screen Shot 2013-08-14 at 12.27.18 AM

Anna Camp as Sarah Newlin has been one of the most thrilling, psychopathic villains True Blood has had in a while. Though she is not physically intimidating, she has that maniacal glint in her eye – the same one that gives you the heebie-jeebies when you enter the same room as Hannibal Lecter or Ted Bundy. Albeit, she’s the Serial Killer Lite version. Essentially, she is Russell Edgington with bouncy blonde hair.

Uprising at Camp Aushchvamp

A big welcome back to Eric Northman: Badass Edition 2.0. We’ve waited for this as long as Pam has waited for Eric to forget Sookie’s fairy vagina. Let’s take a gander at Eric’s greatest hits the last couple episodes:

We have snarky Eric

We have puzzled Eric

We have playful Eric

We have magnanimous Eric

..and, we have scary Eric.

Last season, we were knee-deep in Eric’s love-sickness for Sookie and her fancy-smelling blood. Its such a delight to see him revert to the one-man massacre machine we all knew him to be. His rescue last night was like watching a sadistic Jason Bourne liberating the bloodthirsty inmates from that mental hospital in American Horror Story. Of particular note was his spectacular castration of the cowardly Dr Overlark – 7/10 for Technical Difficulty, 9/10 pts for Execution, and 10/10 for Style!

But of course, true to form, Eric abandons Pam as soon as he is able. “Alritey then, Pam’s okay – time for me to Superman off into the sunset and break her heart all over again!”

Pam and Eric’s relationship is certainly one of the strong points of True Blood. For Pam, Eric is a fascinating amalgam of father figure, lover, soulmate, brother, and idol. In fact, she kind of comes off as the most loyal follower in Eric’s evil cult. She’s a little bit like the Bellatrix Lestrange to his Lord Voldemort.

  

Can we just note how inhumanly good that prison jumpsuit looks on Pam. A real diva brings it, no matter what the outfit.

On a side note, I’m very much enjoying the new bad bitch in town: Violet Mazurski, the hardcore old-school medieval-times Catholic. There aren’t many people who can tell Pam to eff off and live to brag about it.

  

Plus, I’m really keen to see how Violet getting all Fatal Attraction on Jason will pan out. I bet there will bunnies involved.

  

(Pam be like, ‘You’re on your own, Jason.’)

The Terry Bellefleur Retrospective

Thank you, writer room, for this touching and bittersweet homage to the best husband and father in True Blood: Terry Bellefleur. As each mourner reminisced their ‘Terry story’ with the crowd, each vignette gave us a glimpse into his sweet, damaged, stoic soul. It wasn’t all doom and gloom though. From Andy, to Sam, to Lafayetter (especially Lafayette), it was nice to be reminded of Terry in all his charmingly eccentric glory.

  

  

And like I said before, Terry and Arlene’s stable, supportive romance grounds the show amidst the various supernatural shenanigans (i.e. shiny fairy sex, obsessive Catholic vampires, brother-sister vampcest…etc). Brangelina? Pfft, Tarlene ftw.

  

  

p.s. A Sneaky Note on Shifters and Wolves

While I don’t condone violence against women, props to Alcide for showing that crazy were-bitch, Ricki, who’s boss. I might be ready to offer a tentative hand of friendship to Alcide. Especially if he pulls more of these – behold, Alcide posing with a bottle of ‘Man-scent’ and his adoring fans:

 

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mad Men Recap (S06 E08): Kenny tapdances

Tap for us, Kenny.

This week’s episode is really surreal. “The Crash” sees our Mad cast colliding headfirst into illicit pharmaceuticals and poorly made decisions.

It starts off with Ken Cosgrove in the middle of a Yuppie PSA against drunk driving. When we get back to the headquarters of SCDPCGC, we see everyone on the verge of passing out from the strain of dealing with Chevy. Aside from Kenny performing like a sideshow monkey for the Chevy douches, we’ve got Cutler shooting everyone up on ‘vitamin stimulants’ and Stan slutting it up with dead-Gleeson’s daughter.

Don said it best – “Every time we get a car, this place turns into a whorehouse.” (And yes, I get it – the flashbacks to his adolescence at the pleasure house parallels this week’s environment at SCDPCGC)

El Douchebag – The one thing I really can’t stand is his flippant attitude towards his work. His colleagues tolerate his slothfulness and lack of commitment because of occasional strokes of brilliance. What utter bullshit. This is a man who is happy to reap the rewards handed to him off the compromises of others. However, the minute he is asked to dance to tune other than his own, he breaks team. I know his lone wolf shtick is what gets all your panties damp, but El Douchebag has never taken one for the team. This is definitely not a man I can get behind. (Just FYI, I was that person in group projects that ran the assignment with an iron fist – its all about perspective).

– 20 pts (for typing up some crap for Sylvia when everyone else was stressing about Chevy) – 40 pts (for being an absentee father) – 10 pts (for his puffy red drugface) – 20 pts (for bailing on Ted Chaough because Chevy wasn’t all it cracked up to be) = – 90 pts

Wahh! Stop hating on me!

Miss Peggy – OOooOOOooOoOohhhHHhhhhh! Miss Peggy and Stan gettin’ it on! Okay, they didn’t really get anything on. We’ve all felt the sparks since that episode where they’re both buck-nekkid in a hotel room working on some account. I feel the chemistry, although I applaud Miss Peggy for guiding their relationship back into the comfortable sibling territory that defines their rapport. Miss Peggy isn’t after Stan. She’s not even after Chaough. She’s just after something more than Abe. The sooner she admits that, the better.

20 pts (for having a great ass)

Stan – Oh Stan. You’re my favourite deadbeat beatnik.

10 pts (for playing William Tell and getting stabbed by a pencil) + 10 pts (for your rakish jock charm despite the grossness of sleeping with hippie Wendy Gleason) = 20 pts

Ted Chaough – It’s really touching to see how genuine he was in his comments about his deceased partner, Frank Gleason. I remember early in the fifth season (or was it the fourth?), they made him seem like the wannabe Don. He tried a little too hard to be considered suave. I believe that Ted Chaough is just as good as Don work-wise, and infinitely better than Don as a human being. If Don is your star striker who delivers big during important games, Ted Chaough is your reliable midfielder who consistently gets the job done well. Except the sheen of Don’s genius is a little duller in the bright of day as he proves to be nothing more than a shallow promise of occasional brilliance. Don is Fernando Torres to Chaough’s Steven Gerrard. (Yes, I support Liverpool FC.)

10 pts (condolence points, for Frank Gleason) + 20 pts (for giving me hope that not all Madison Avenue types are jerkwads) = 30 pts

Silver Fox – Two silver foxes matching their wits at checkers! Adorable. Is CGC just SCDP but less cool? Because, I swear, Jim Cutler is just the oily version of our loveable cad, Roger Sterling. They even have matching glasses! (But lets all agree that Roger is indisputably more debonair.)

10 pts (nice waistcoat) + 10 pts (nice spectacles) = 20 pts

Bonus 5 pts to Jim Cutler for sprinting up those stairs / racing Stan across the office. 

Pretty spry, for a white guy.

Skinny Bitch Betty – SHE’S BACK!! Oh how I’ve missed you, Skinny Bitch!! My days have been dark and sombre without your vapid Betty-isms! So the kids were “held hostage by an elderly negro woman who robbed [Don and Megan] blind”.  Of course, Betty’s natural reflex is to proclaim, “DO YOU KNOW THAT HENRY IS RUNNING FOR OFFICE?!”

I'm back, bitches.

I’m back, bitches.

10 pts (for her irreplaceable Betty-isms) + 30 pts (for marrying a stud of a husband) = 40 pts

Ken Cosgrove – He is a man who embodies the term ‘taking one for the team’.

50 pts (for the ‘It’s my job’ speech) + 10 pts (pity points, for your injuries) = 60 pts

WINNER: KEN COSGROVE

BONUS – Did you know Mad Men meangirl-ing is a thing? I didn’t?! I was delighted to discover this so I’ve compiled a compendium of my favourite Mad Men at their meangirly best. FYI – I can recite Mean Girls from start to finish. I am unashamed. (It’s Tina Fey-approved, after all.)

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,